Author: Stick Figure Dan

A Self-Help for the Helpless Public Service Announcement from Your Friend Dan

This is a very Self Help for the Helpless Public Service Announcement just in time for Christmas. If you happen to be like one of the people described in this article, a man dressed as Santa Claus will show up at your door to kick you in the chestnuts, or the mistletoe. We do not discriminate around here, especially at the holidays. I understand that there are people in the world who do not like Christmas. The people who find this time of the year to be a bigger pain in the ass than another person’s screaming child. I...

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Dear Santa from Stick Figure Dan

Dear Chubby Bearded Bastard, It may be my first time gracing the 25 Days of Christmas, but it won’t be my last. I see it is time that we meet again. I have been getting more awesome as the days go by, I am guessing you are doing the complete opposite. I bet you are sitting there eating your cookies, watching yourself as you have to throw away another pair of pants as they have gotten too small. I should invest in an elastic company, because I know there is no fucking way you have worn something with a...

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The Top 10 Places That Will Ban Roy Moore Since He Lost

We were told that we needed some political articles. Well, there is only one Stick Figure with the god damn balls big enough to take on Politicians and that is me. So, Alabama saved the decency of the country. And if it happens to turn out that the stories are not fabricated, this will be looked at as one of the best decisions in American political history. But it got me thinking. Since he won’t be in the senate, and not allowed at the mall, what are some other places that Roy Moore will not be allowed into or...

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Self-Help for the Helpless

There comes a time that a person just needs a little motivation. Just enough motivation in hope that they will get off their mother’s couch, put down the second fucking bowl of macaroni and cheese and do something with their life. But instead fear seems to be bending them over the bed as if they were Anastasia Steele in Christian’s Red Room, the only difference is this sex isn’t fucking fan fiction based off some sparkling vampire story. I want to share a piece of advice with all of you, want to know the worst shopping day of the...

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Dear Santa from Stick Figure Dan

Dear Twat Beard, It is that time of year again where one made up character writes a letter to another made up character in hopes that one made up character will be all giddy on the inside. Yeah. About that. You can go fuck yourself. Look, this is between you, me, and pretty much anyone else who is able to think for themselves. But seriously, I do not care if your reindeer have been snorting magic and doing roids for the other 364 days a year, there is no way in hell that those animals are able to carry...

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