Hey gals this is Whitney. I am going to talk to you today about a growing epidemic in this country: people being asshats. What the hell is an asshat you ask? It is someone with their heads so far up there asses they wear them for a hat. For that matter you could be one, I know Stick Figure Dan is.

When you walk around on your cell phone having a private conversation in public you are a fucking ass hat. No one wants to hear “Girl I told you he was dog. You know he got three baby mama’s. Yes he does. No that one ain’t his, you know she a skank.” If we wanted a blow by blow of this shit we would watch Real Housewives marathons. No one wants to hear your braying laughter or your drama.

The next really chaps me too. Exaggerating a small minuscule detail into full blown drama. “OMG, did you hear her. She just told me to shut the hell up, and get a life. Oh no she didn’t.” We all know all she said was to mind your own damn business. If you weren’t such a drama queen asshat, you wouldn’t have been in the position to be told to shut the hell up.

Asshats seem to think they are in their own solar system. They need to leave this planet cause the laws of physics clearly state it doesn’t. Think about how much more peaceful this world would be if all the asshats found some other galaxy to revolve around them. Preferably one that is oxygen deprived, this would make their ability to talk limited.

I will have a fund raiser if that’s what is needed. Anyone want to donate to the cause? We’ll call it Asshats Exploration.