I have been sitting here in the computer chair with thoughts just jumping around in my head. My mind right now is like one of those jumping bean toys. You know what would help me focus on everything. I’m thinking a really big plate of General Tso’s Chicken, some fried rice and an ice cold refreshing Pepsi. Oh my god, I just ate and made my self hungry again. I swear I think I am Preggo. On a Side note, I’m sorry Whitney. I was the one who Pissed her off in the Halloween section. I didn’t mean to wear my belly shirt. There is a wonderful mental image for you. Where was I? I was thinking about who the father of my baby could be and I lost my train of thought. Oh yes, I think its time for another helping of The Really Big Bowl Of Random.
To anyone that has heard the Miranda Lambert hit, Kerosene. The line that says, Dusty roads ain’t made for walking, a good line. However, It doesn’t sound like that to me. To me, it sounds like, Dusty Rhodes (The 80s Professional Wrestler) ain’t makin waffles.
I bet anyone who just read that, just went to their itunes account or youtube to see if I am crazy.
Am I the only one who feels dirty poking someone on Facebook? I feel like before poking someone you should offer to buy them dinner first. I wonder if you can practice safe poking. It feels even dirtier when a family member pokes you. Right now, that is illegal in 27 states. I do like when a cute girl pokes me. Can I Get an Amen!!!
I wonder if people who are in prison that get on Facebook, Have a Shank button instead of the poke button?
How many of the dumb asses that Taylor Swift dates will realize, not to piss her off. Hey guess what? Make her mad. She is gonna write a hit song about how shitty you are. I’m looking at you Joe Jonas. Men, you wanna know the secret to dating Taylor? DON’T PISS HER OFF.
If I said the wrong Jonas Brother. Don’t correct me. That’s like saying all boy bands are different. No they aren’t. Whats the difference between, New Kids On The Block and Big Time Rush? Not a damn thing.
I take back that last statement. New Kids On The Block are awesome.
Have you ever seen the movie Super Size Me? This is where Morgan Spurlock, He eats McDonalds for 30 straight days. Awesome Movie. Check it out. Well there have been a few spoofs come out since then. Stand Up Comic Doug Benson’s spoof hit my mind first. It is called Super High Me. Again Check it out. Lots of pot smoking and very funny. Well, I have come up with my own. Sexual Deprive Me. I will go 30 days without Masturbating or sex. Why, Cause we have to educate the youth of America. Cue the star, And the More You Know graphic.
How many of you read the “or Sex” line and just started laughing. You guys are so mean.
This is a true story. I had to get a physical for a show I was going to do. I found something with what I thought was wrong with my testicles at the time. I went to the doctor. Did the normal physical stuff and before he put his cold hands on my ball sack. Glove or not, Is there not a hand warmer available to any doctor. Good God. I told him that there might be a lump. He was doing is doctor thing to my nuts. I coughed. He got a puzzled look on his face. He played with them again. What the are my testicles a game of Yahtzee. He looks at me and says “ I have good news and bad news” I ask “what is the bad?” He replies “ I am going to tell you the good first. There is nothing wrong down there.” I reply back “ That doesn’t explain the face and feeling my balls for 10 minutes.” At this point in my life that’s the closest I ever got to a blow job. He looks at me with a straight face and says “ You are more of a man than I am. You have a 3rd testicle.”
That’s a show stopper right there. Must leave ya wanting another bowl of Random
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