Dear Santa,

First off, I would like to say thanks for an awesome Christmas last year! This year though, I don’t want a lot of presents. I want the world to stop being so damned retarded. Please give everyone on earth what they want for Christmas so that maybe for once people will be happy. I want “World Peace” for Christmas. It’s not that hard really. All everyone has to do is stop looking out for numero uno and help each other. By helping each other we help ourselves. Also for me, I would like legalization of a certain sacred, awesome herb and a decent young woman around my age who isn’t materialistic and a whore, but she also needs to be easy on the eyes and not annoying and of course single. Also Santa, please bring joy to the joyless, pennies to the penny-less and you have a Merry Christmas!