Dear Santa,

Hi big guy. Hope you are excited about all the sweets you are eating at his very moment. I am leaving you some Andes Mint Cookies. They will freshen your breath for when you get back to the pole to see Mrs. Claus. I think I have been a very good guy this year. I like to help anyone that will ask or needs it. I enjoy it. My number one thing I want is Pepsi. The drink of the Gods. The best part of waking up is a, Pepsi in my gut. I want a a huge batch of Baklava. Have you ever tried it? It is having sex on your taste buds. That shit is amazing. The next thing I want is a woman to love me. I wonder if I have been that good. If you can make that happen, I will leave some extra cookies for you if you can make this happen. I want Rachael Ray dressed up in a schoolgirl uniform and wrapped in the biggest bow you can find. I wanna be able to give her a 30 minute meal. Knowing me, it will be more like minute rice. Also, if it is in your control, could you erase Stick Figure Dan’s mouth so i would have to listen to his constant bull shit. I know being a Stick Figure is hard and worse since i think he is a gay. That is right A gay. Hope you can bring me everything on my list Santa. I believe.