Have you ever turned down a sure thing? And by sure thing, I mean sexually. I know how in the hell would you. Even if she/he are hideous there is such a thing as a brown bag special. This is where you take a brown bag, preferably from your local grocer or Sonic, place over their head. Draw a smiley face on it in Sharpie of course. The smell will make you a little high and be able to fuck them a little easier. Then Go to town. You can pretend it’s one of the hottest Hollywood heartthrob. Last Saturday night, I saw a drunk man do this. He turned down a sure thing. I don’t know why he did. He said  turnabout was fair play. I think he was more afraid of her getting preggo and having a Mexican baby. More on this story tomorrow. However, having a Mexican Baby got me thinking. I wanna dedicate this song to that drunken hero of lonely guys everywhere. Why is he a hero, you ask. Simple, he put a female back out on the market that night so a lonely nerd could get lucky. Somewhere there is a woman out there with D.J. Quall’s bun in her oven. Straight from 1999, here is the Ricky Martin Classic, Livin La Vida Loca. Don’t worry. I think he looked like a Carlos too.

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