I remember being a little kid sitting on the couch drinking freshly brewed sweet tea out of my green mug, trying to be just like my dad. My mom would start yelling at me that I didn’t need that much sugar. If she could only see how much sugar I use in my tea and coffee now. She would beat me with a wooden soup ladle but I digress. I remember sitting there thinking about what my life was gonna be like in the future. What I was gonna be when I grew up. Was it gonna be a police officer? I would get my chance to help people everyday. Was it gonna be a Professional Wrestler? Who doesn’t like to wear tights and be a bad guy. It’s fun being the bad guy. What about a teacher? I can help shape the youth of America into being role models in today’s society. Excuse me, I need to laugh at that a little myself. The second thing my imagination would go to was The perfect girl. At this point in my life, it was quality over everything else. My idea of the perfect woman was, Shania Twain. I was young and she was hot. I lived through her music videos. I would turn on CMT and I would zone out. I would be completely oblivious to the world around me. My house could have went up on flames. I wouldn’t have even noticed. No one dare bother me if she was on my screen. The woman I was gonna marry when I was 11.
The more things change, the more they stay the same. I still really haven’t decided what I am gonna be. Hence why I tell jokes and am a writer. Now, I tell people the woman I am gonna marry is Rachael Ray. I have better odds of winning Powerball……….Twice. I can never tell if I have crossed that line into creepy guy status yet. Ok. Maybe I crossed that years ago, when I lip synced Shania Twain at the El Dorado Springs Picnic but I look at Rachael’s pics every day. Does that make me a stalker? I am only joking. I could never stalk someone who doesn’t live with in walking distance.
Got me thinking about something we always dream of, The perfect mate. One of our main goals when we are younger. For women, it’s the dream of getting married. Walking down the isle to marry the guy (In some cases, girl) of your dreams. The perfect day to the beginning of the perfect marriage. For us guys, it’s the day that we decide to have one fuck buddy for the rest of our lives or the next two to three years. Have you seen the divorce rate?
What do you do when you find the perfect mate? You sell them on Ebay. The perfect mate is someone you couldn’t even dream of. They come into your life and make an impact immediately. They are your best friend. Hence, the term, The Other Half. They are the peanut butter to your jelly. The Mac to your cheese. The Bella to your Edward. Yes, I made a Twilight reference. Get over it. Hopefully, when you find such person, you hold onto them. The minute they get away, your heart goes with them.