Dear Santa,

Here I am sitting in the solitude of nerdom drinking eggnog out a glass from Batman  Forever. It’s The Riddler! Hell to the yeah Santa. So I think I have been a good boy this year big guy. This year I want a couple of things. First off, I want something to carry my baby in. No, I am not talking about a woman. I am talking about the very loving item that I am using to write you this very letter. My laptop. I am tired of my computer smelling like a gym sock. Number two, Santa this one is very very simple. I want Angry Birds Pig that makes noise. I will call him Mr. oinky. Why do you ask? To annoy my friends to death. Think Where’s Timmy Penis, only more enjoyable to me. I am going to get a little serious Santa. I want to see my mom. I haven’t got to see her in a while. It breaks my heart to know that no one is going to be able to see her on Christmas. She was there for me, and i would like to be there for her. The last one Santa is for 2012, can you find me a girl that will look past all my health issues and see who I am. I am tired of being looking like the kid from that mask movie. Not the Jim Carey, the version with the hideous kid. Santa, I am going to be waiting next to the chimney in the Solitude hoping you can make one of these things happen. We are leaving Eggnog and Cream Horns. I still believe.

Richard
PS And Rachael Ray and Pepsi too