I am giving up the following things.
Coca-Cola: I hate Coke. I thought this one would be very easy to do. I feel like Coke is the man, and they are holding down the other, more superior beverage company. My veins do not run blood through them. They are fueled by the cola, that has the colors RED, WHITE and BLUE!!! I could make sweet passionate love to a Pepsi. (Pepsi executives, if that isn’t a ringing endorsement, I don’t know what is. I am still looking for that Pepsi sponsorship. I can honestly say, I might have kept you in business by myself. Have your people call my people.)
Smoking: This will also be an easy one for myself, seeing that I don’t smoke cigarettes. YAY!!! My lungs won’t be destroyed by me. They will be destroyed by everyone who smokes at the bar. It’s going to be the second hand smoke that kills us all. Damn you Big Tobacco.
Jersey Shore: This one is going to be hard. I don’t know if I can handle not being able to see The Situation. I am going to be sad that I won’t see Snookie hitting on every guy in club. No more Smush room. This is going to be hardest thing I have ever done. Who I am kidding? This is going to be easier than all those skanks combined.
Going To New Mexico For Women: Will this one is a given.
Not Having Sex: I am tired of letting girls think that I am not going to have sex. It’s usually the opposite way around. I am giving up abstinence for Lent. I am sick of being the guy who doesn’t have sex. I need to get booty during this time. Ladies, if your man is giving up sex for Lent, I am the guy to call. I am a sex machine and grade A Stud.
Giving Up: Why be one of those people who just randomly gives up on things. I want to be known as the guy who revolutionized giving up, giving up for Lent. I will not be giving up but it will be close. I am going to start a trend with this. This is the best thing to give up for the time period. I deserve a gold star on the board for that one.
This is going to be one long Journey. I will need your support.