One of the most difficult things in this world is meeting someone to spend the rest of your life with. We here at The Buzz Kill Blog have taken the time to write out rules that each and every one of you can use in your dating life. This is the 4th installment of this series. We are going to try and save you from committing the same mistakes that my friends and I have made. If you take these rules to heart, you will have one of the best relationships of your life. There will be a test at the end of the semester so make sure that you are taking notes.
Rule #1126: Living situations can be difficult. Having a fuck buddy can be difficult. Put these two things together and you have a recipe that Paula Deen couldn’t save with all the butter from Land O Lakes. Make sure you know someone before moving in with them. If having sex with them is the only way that you do know them, chances are he is a player. Example. A friend of mine moved in with a guy cause of some reason. It eludes me. For the sake of this conversation, he needed a place to stay. He told her a month or so before that he was going to be sleeping with her exclusively. Well, guess what? He lied. He had another girl on the side and brought her to their place. What a dumbass!!! This rule is to all the douches out there, eventually you will be caught cause the women will become friends and figure it out on their own. Idiot.
Rule # 629: Online dating is a fun adventure with many tosses and turns. However, we all know this to be true, most people just look at the pictures. We are shallow. It suits us well. Ladies, this rule is kinda for you. I know many of you put up sexy pictures, or the occasional duck face picture. Hell, I have one of those on my own profile. If you are going to put up pictures here is some advice, DO NOT PUT UP A PIC OF YOU WITH YOUR CATS!!! We want to see pussy but not the ones with fur and can purr. I don’t know if it just me or not, but have you ever heard the phrase “crazy cat lady”? That would be the problem that you are going to encounter. It comes across as desperate. Just show who you are in your pictures.
#629 A: Besides cats, which are cute, I can’t lie on that, you also shouldn’t put up pictures of your kids. I say this not trying to be a jerk, but you are meeting people off the internet. I am guessing you have met some sort of crazy guy on there already. He knows what your kids look like. It is a scary thought. Let them know you have kids and brag about them. Just don’t show them till you hit the facebook friend phase.
#629 B: This is for you guys out there. Do not, and I can not say this enough, do not put up pics of you with your shirt off, showing muscles and hat backwards. Want to know what that screams? You are a giant bag of douches. You are not trying to get in a frat house or meet another guy on craigslist. You are trying to find true love.
#629 C: Ladies do not put up a picture of your boobs popping out like the Pillsbury doughboy and say that you do not want a one night stand. That is a bigger contradiction than Starbursts.
Rule # 194: Do not travel 1400 miles to be with someone. Enough has been said about that on here in a certain 5 part story. We like beating a dead horse. It makes us giggle
Rule #3899 You message someone. You hope they respond. The response you get is nice but it also has a phone number. The only way giving your phone number in the first response makes since, is if you are as busy as Oprah. Come on. Show some class. Try to take the time to get know someone before taking that huge risk. They have your number now, and what if you don’t click? Technically if that happens in the first message, you will be hitting a home run. It”s just another name in your phone that is going to make you depressed because they hate you.
Rule # 482: I am a text whore. I love getting text messages from someone I am talking to. It makes me feel really special. However, don’t you love when you tell someone that you are busy and they keep texting you. Did I scare you off? No but your pissing me off. Nothing screams clingy like looking down at your phone after an hour of being busy like having 44 message 10 missed calls and 11 voice mails. One of the voicemails is from your friends telling you that she or he is a bowl of crazy flakes.
Take these rules to heart and see if your love life doesn’t improve.