Weekends are meant for fun and some frolicking!!! Frolicking? Did I really just use a word that might have not been used since the day of Shakespeare? Well. I guess I am going to have to start using that in everyday life so I don’t feel as dumb. One of our proofreaders here at The Buzz Kill Blog is having a Birthday so we decided to go out. It was time to get our party on. What did she want to do? An ancient art from the land of The Rising Sun. KARAOKE. Yes, she wanted to get completely shitfaced and sing songs that no one really gives a damn about anymore. It is kinda like the Retro Videos we do around here, just with bad singing. It gave me a chance to know I was going to get to burst out with my rendition of Wannabe by the Spice Girls. Want to know what is freaking awesome? Watching a 27 year old male who could be a bear at a gay club (I have hair everywhere but one place. Ladies and few select drag queens, use your imagination.) sing a song by a band whose motto was girl power. We decided to do this in the metropolis of Joplin Missouri. On a side note, I have to give a lot of credit to this town for rebuilding and coming together after the tornado that came through here in May of last year. We find this place called Alley Cats Karaoke. It’s in back of one the main bars in the town. The group decides to pick this place. I am all up for it. We walk up, and find out the cover charge is 10 bucks. That should have been a dead giveaway that something other than people singing badly was going down. We pay the hefty amount and we are already a little pissed off. After a Long Island that was stronger than me and a friend of ours talking about how birthday cake vodka was the shiznit, we felt a little better. All of a sudden the night turned for the worse.
It was comedy night. I have no complaints. Hell, I have done stand up for 10 years. I am fucking stoked. The Emcee takes the stage. Now, something I have taken great pride in as a performer is the fact that I am a storyteller, but do banter with the audience. It takes a great deal of talent to do this. Not everyone can be a comic. i.e. Dane Cook. However, the emcee went straight to handicapped jokes and dropping more bad punchlines than Paris Hilton number one hits. I love comedy and everything about it, but this guy gives us a bad name. He came, He Announced, and he Sucked. He kept picking on the guy in the wheel chair. His punchlines were not jokes, they were the word fuck. Yes!!! That is what makes a person laugh. Let me try this in sentence form. This fucking guy fucking didn’t fucking know how fucking to tell a fucking joke. Shit. Now please take the time to read that sentence like a gangsta and you will get the gist. He finally announced a new performer. I haven’t been this happy since the last time I got laid, and I almost had to travel halfway across the country for that. Not worth it and yet was at the same time. The next performer got on stage. We couldn’t understand a damn thing he said. I have learned that I do not speak stupid. That, my friends, is hope. Let me give you a fair critique, if you are going to spoof songs make sure we can understand what you say. The exception for that rule is if you are singing Nirvana or Shaggy. Both of these guys had the stage presence of a Teddy Rupskin with narcolepsy. It was boring. Watching two guys play pong on an Atari? More fun. We leave. I am pissed. We walk out the door and one of the female comics, who was really awesome to us, tried to stop us. My friends were nice. I was was a dick. “I have done this for 10 years and this sucks.” Her response was “Can’t argue with that!” We went to a pub and got drunk while listening to some bad ass music.
I write this for a reason. Since my health, I have taken a break from the world of doing stand up shows. I miss it badly, but I have been more worried about things I shouldn’t. Like when was I going to get laid. The reboot of this site, and everything else, has been going wonderfully. However, after the events of this stand up show (and the term stand up can be used lightly), I am going to do what I love again. That was the motivation that I needed to light a fire under my damn ass. Here is hoping I haven’t ate anything that will cause me to fart. I am going to do what I love again. It was going to be a rebuilding process, but I will be damned if some hack of a performer is going to fuck up the industry I love. It is my damn time. I am back. You have been warned. One more thing, Boom! Lawyered!!! (How I Met Your Mother is the bomb!)