I hope your July 4th is kicking all kinds of ass so far but we need to spice things up around here. We need some sex appeal. We need some fireworks going off in your pants guys. Ladies, your turn will come later. Guys, our time has come right now. I was trying to think of a woman that screams USA. It was a difficult process. Rosie the Riveter was a cartoon. Now, Dan would have the boner from hell but I don’t think it suits what we are looking for today. This is America’s birthday. We need someone who has represented this country proudly. I had a brainstorm. The Olympics are at the end of this month. If we are going to have a USA themed Hall Of Hotties and Hunks induction, why not make them Olympians. I was looking at the list of women that could be inducted, one thing did jump out at me. Female track and field stars make the Williams Sisters look like the Hilton Sisters. Those are very manly women. What event has the best looking, most feminine women that embody the spirit of America but the spirit of the Hottie. Have a guess? Speed walking is not correct. What is correct, Gymnastics. The Next induction into the Hall Of Hotties is:
Shawn Johnson
 I have to tell this before we get into the entire induction. Shawn Johnson is 20 years old. 18 is the youngest you can be to get inducted. I truly don’t need an NBC camera and Chris Hansen showing up at my door step. Trying to find a pic of Shawn not from 2008 was a pain in the ass. She was only 16 but that is the age that she made her name. Finally, through the luck of Google search, we can induct this 20 year old girl next door. First off, this girl’s body is ripped and if my friend was here he would just talk about how awesome her abs are. The first thing going through my head, is a little bit dirtier than that. How many positions can this girl actually do? I am thinking we could add a few more chapters to the Kama Sutra. Next, my god her legs could crack me open like a walnut. I wouldn’t mind taking the squeeze from her at all. The one thing that Olympic Gold Medalist Shawn Johnson has that a lot of other women don’t have, is that she is down to earth. I would love to see the moves that she could try off my Pommel horse. We would like to welcome Shawn Johnson into the Hall of Hotties. Shawn if you read this, I have a floor exercise routine that I need a partner for.

About the author

Richard Pruitt

I am Richard and I have a problem. A problem with entertaining people. I have been in the comedy world for over 10 years. I started out as an improv actor making fun and light of everything. Doing that felt rewarding, but I have to admit, I wanted more. I couldn’t get the taste of performing out of my mouth. Does that not sound a little creepy? I decided to start doing my own stand up show. I love to make fun of my family and anything that will make a normal person say what the fuck. The journey still continues, in 2009, I had a dream to create my own online magazine. This is the beautiful corner of craziness in front of you. I have been through hell in my life but being stopped is something that I will not let happen. I am a fighter and hope to make people realize it is ok to smile and think from time to time. It also helps being a nerd.