Do you feel special? You are going to be graced by my presence twice today. If you do not know who I am, what the fuck is wrong with you. I am the heart and soul of this website. But unless you are new, we haven’t been introduced. My name is Stick Figure (I locked eyes with this woman and new it is true love. We went to the bathroom and her mouth fit around my cock like a glove. We went to my car and right before we left she called me baby. I kicked her ass out and said Call Me Maybe.) Dan. It has been almost 6 months since I inducted some hooker into The Hall. Richard, said induct someone that I had a crush on someone. Look, people, I am not a loser. If I have a crush on someone I am going to make them mine. I don’t give a shit who I have to walk through to do it. Fred from Scooby Doo knows what I mean. There however was a group of women who eluded me. Yes, guys even the great SFD gets shot down once in a while. The reasons for that.. She is blind. She is married and cheating on her husband with some Hondurans or she just isn’t over her ex. How does Richard find women…. I am not really sure. I didn’t know the make a wish foundation handed out dates. Yes, a terrible joke but you laughed and then felt sorry for him. I understand. The next induction into the Hall of Hotties were the ones that got away.

Jem and The Holograms were the only reason I was able to keep my pants up as a young Stick Figure. I am really skinny, it is hard to find pants that fit. A boner will keep anything up. No pun intended. Jem was created by a computer in the same style as the woman from Weird Science was created. Only idiots wear a bra on their head. I would have been wearing something. She was supposed to be the human version of a synthesizer. I would play her like a keyboard. I have no problem playing with her B Flats. How awesome would it be to just have the band in one animated sex romp. I think I now have a reason to become a Mormon and have sister wives. Jem and the Holograms welcome to Hall of Hotties. My mission is to nail you all.

Figure It Out

About the author

Richard Pruitt

I am Richard and I have a problem. A problem with entertaining people. I have been in the comedy world for over 10 years. I started out as an improv actor making fun and light of everything. Doing that felt rewarding, but I have to admit, I wanted more. I couldn’t get the taste of performing out of my mouth. Does that not sound a little creepy? I decided to start doing my own stand up show. I love to make fun of my family and anything that will make a normal person say what the fuck. The journey still continues, in 2009, I had a dream to create my own online magazine. This is the beautiful corner of craziness in front of you. I have been through hell in my life but being stopped is something that I will not let happen. I am a fighter and hope to make people realize it is ok to smile and think from time to time. It also helps being a nerd.