Welcome to the newest feature piece here at The Buzz Kill. Welcome to The 7s. Now, I know what you are thinking. What are The 7s? I am glad you asked. Everyone has a top 5 or top 10 lists. We felt we needed to jump on this bandwagon finally after two years. This is our version but instead of 5 or 10, we are using the number 7. Why? It’s the sexiest number ever. In this first edition of The 7s we are going to be taking a look at the Top 7 Worst Songs to Have Sex To.
Honorable Mention: I think I could personally do this myself and not have a problem with it because he is one of my favorite artists ever. However, I could see a normal person not being able to have sexual intercourse to any Weird Al song. Right in the middle of passionate love making White & Nerdy starts playing. That is a mood killer but not enough of one to make our list.
Honorable Mention: You want to keep the person you are fucking right? You don’t want to piss them off right? Whatever you do, do not, I repeat do not play any song by Taylor Swift. Her music is just asking for trouble in the bedroom. “What are you saying by playing, Picture to Burn. Are you trying to tell me something?” I just run out crying. I mean they just run out crying.
#7: Kiss Me, I’m Shitfaced by Dropkick Murphys. I love having a drink every once and awhile Sometimes I even like to get drunk. When I get drunk I become a sex machine. I just can’t see myself looking at a woman during sex and saying, “Kiss Me. I’m Shitfaced.” Knowing my luck it will be off some really cheap tequila and I will puke on her.
#6: Barbie Girl by Aqua. I am a Barbie girl. Living in a Barbie World. Wrapped in plastic, it’s fantastic. The only way I can see this song even remotely being used in the bedroom is if you have a toy fetish or you have one of those flesh dolls. I think if I paid 3000 dollars for something I could fuck, I would play this song when I unwrapped it.
#5: Revolution No. 9 by The Beatles:The Beatles have made some awesome music to make love to. There is no doubt about it. This song on the other hand should only be played in the bedroom if you are a power tool that comes to life in the middle of the night. Picture a ban saw and A drill making sweet passionate love. The only words even said in this song is number 9. Over and Over and Over. The repetitiveness alone would drive a man to shoot someone but not shoot a load on someone.
#4 Dude. (Looks Like a Lady) by Aerosmith. This is a classic song but doesn’t really fit a normal sex life. That is unless, You are into Emo Boys or your significant other is a crossdresser. Then this song is allowed in the room where the magic happens.
#3: Smack My Bitch Up By Prodigy.If you are a couple who is into some hardcore S&M swingers parties or The only thing that is going on is being tied up and someone in some really huge heels is busting your ass with a whip or your Rhianna, then this song is allowed.
#2: Rape Me by Nirvana. Rape Me my friend. First of all, you can’t rape the willing unless they are 17 and younger. No doesn’t mean no. No means more roofies. How many bad jokes can I get in to make you understand that is not a good sex song at all.
#1: Mr. Roboto by Styx. I love Styx. Their sound is very unique but trying to have sex to a song about a robot is just not a good thing. Especially, if you have only two or three moves you do in the bedroom. The only robots allowed to have sex is Tom Servo and Kroww.