Normally, my crazy ass stories are what composes The Dreaded Dating Stage. Marriage Proposals, diapers and Rocky Horror, Oh MY! That being said, I love when people tell me their crazy stories. Reading and hearing some of these makes me happy that I am somewhat normal with a little crazy mixed in. It proves to me that there are some crazy people out in this world. I talk a lot about how crazy these women are sometimes. However, this time the pendulum will swing the other way. This is story is about a crazy man and the finding someone on a website that pretty much is just for sex. The Dreaded Dating Stage 4 is entitled CUT IT OFF.
Myyearbook.com (Now it is Meetme.com) is a website that allows you to become friends with people that you have never met. Another site in the long list of social networking site. 99% of everyone’s goal on there is to hook up and get some. It’s not the most safe website. Well, a few years ago a woman by the name of Cheyenne, I am changing the names to protect the innocent and the Cray Cray. Cheyenne has been just like another beautiful woman. She was hoping that somehow her prince charming would come whisk her off her feet and travel into the sunset. On this website you can ask people questions, a guy by the name of Jeremy asked her a question. I have read a lot of people’s questions on this site and my guess is that it was pretty much telling her that she was hot and asking if she wanted to KIK. If I was only hip to new chat gadgets. I thought we had moved passed the idea of chat rooms.
They began talking just like any other man and woman on a website would. I am thinking this is how the conversation went.
Cheyenne: Thank you for the add
Jeremy: Can I fuck you in the butt?
Cheyenne: Will you buy me dinner first?
Jeremy: Where at?
Cheyenne: For that Red Lobster. (Note, If you take someone to Red Lobster you are not guaranteed to score. Just want to make that clear.)
Jeremy: Sigh. I guess.
Cheyenne: I want to get to know you first.
Jeremy: I am buying you dinner aren’t I?
I figured that the conversation has been going on for a while before it is decided that a date is agreed upon. They decide on dinner at Applebee’s. Guess who isn’t getting any? (Note: Taking a date to Applebee’s does not guarantee that the person you are on a date with will not put out. Just want to make that clear.) They meet and everything goes amazingly swell. They end the night with a goodbye kiss on the cheek and decide to make a second date.
That doesn’t really sound that weird at all does it? It just sounds kind of blah. It’s almost the All American Dating Story. But this story is about to take one crazy ass turn that I didn’t even see coming and neither did Cheyenne.
Cheyenne, is kinda bummed out that Jeremy has not contacted her in the past three days. She was hoping that since the first date went really well that he would would want a second one. Another couple of days go by and still nothing from Jeremy. This is a sign that this guy is a Grade A dumbass. Cheyenne is sitting up really late one night reading a book. My guess is something with Vampires and Werewolves. You know I would make the obligatory Twilight reference here but I really don’t want my ass kicked at all. She is in the middle of a good read when her phone goes off. Could it be? Is it Jeremy? He said he was sorry that he was blowing her off for days. He then proceeds that he needs to talk to her in private. He had something he needed to tell her. He wanted to do it in person. She is curious and wanted to hear his explanation for completely blowing her off. She decides that the next day she is going to go over to his house and figure this out.
She arrives at his house. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorn from ignoring. She might chop this guys dick off, she is pissed that she was pretty much ignored by this guy. She walks up to the front door and knocks. He answers the door and quickly brings her inside. His house is very dark and somewhat creepy. She gets a very uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. It’s either from fear or the rancid odor of cat piss filling up the hallways. He shows her around a little bit. Each room creepier than the next. One of them was dedicated to the game World Of Warcraft. She giggled to herself and knew why he had been completely ignoring her. He chose to be an elf lord 47 over some poon. No wonder this guy was socially awkward and couldn’t take me to Red Lobster. She thought in her head.
“This is the reason I brought you over here.” Jeremy said, as he took her into the basement. A light gets turned and only one thing is sitting down there. A Giant Cage. Cheyenne looked all excited. She thought Jeremy had a pet bunny. Tell me one woman out there that wouldn’t love seeing a man with a pet bunny. (Note: Having a pet bunny will get you laid.) “You have a rabbit.” Cheyenne asked. Jeremy just shook his head no. “What kind of pet do you have?” she asked. “I don’t.” He replied. She was wondering what the cage was for. “The cage is for me.” Said Jeremy. Cheyenne jumped back like she had just shot a gun from the Civil War. “WHAT THE FUCK?” She yelled. He wanted to be locked in the cage and tortured. I am kinky but that is just nuts. “Here is a contract I want you to sign. It says that if I do something bad that at any time, you can cut off my penis.” Jeremy handed her a piece paper. Nothing says true love like chopping off a guys penis. She darted out of that place so fast you would think she ran the 100 M for Jamaica in the Olympics.
After that faithful day, Cheyenne never got on that website again. Hell, I wouldn’t want to either. If I was a girl and wanted to date someone without a penis, I would find a woman or date me. Dating is so hard for us all.
If you have a crazy dating story send it to firstname.lastname@example.org we just might use it in the Dreaded Dating Stage.