As a kid Christmas was the best time of the whole year. We were good all year and couldn’t wait for the big guy in the red suit to visit our house. I can remember one of my favorite years vividly. It was about ten o’clock on Christmas Eve and I was being ushered off to bed after jamming out to Christmas music with my mom. Our house was full stockings and Christmas lights and the smell of gingerbread and coffee. Little did I know it was because my parents were making coffee for the long night ahead. I had been tucked into bed sporting some sweet Christmas flannel pajamas but no matter how hard I tried to sleep eluded my tiny little brain for a while. I finally passed out and awoke all excited to open my presents. I ran to my parents room and got them up, and then we went to wake up my brother. Little did I know, it was like five in the morning, but who cares about the time, it’s Christmas. I ran and began getting even more excited once I saw all the gifts under the tree. I began emptying my stocking first because my mom insisted on driving me crazier and crazier by making me wait to see what was underneath the gold glittery wrapping paper. Every year there were always four things in my stocking among all the glorious candy that I could not have until I ate breakfast. Who the crap eats breakfast on Christmas morning? I wanted my sugar coma and I wanted it now! Anyway, other than the candy there was always the apple, the orange, the toothbrush and that ungodly amount of Lip Smackers flavored chap stick. Secretly I still love that stuff. So, if anyone wants to easily get to my heart show up with fudge and Lip Smackers chap stick. Time to unwrap presents! The joyful sentence had been said, this was it. It was time. I got so much awesome stuff I didn’t know what to do with myself. I got a sweet Barbie house with like three levels, some Barbies, a ton of Disney movies and a million arts and crafts things because I was an arts and crafts crazed child. I loved painting and clay and all that nonsense. Still do. I was almost done there was one more present. I was still very excited. I ripped off the bow and slung off the paper there it was. The dreaded clothing box every kid hated was now in my hands, Of course now I beg for clothes because I’m a college student but when you’re a kid, clothes are the worst. I opened the box and there was the most horrific thing my childish eyes had ever seen. The box was filled with lace and green velvet. Yeah, green velvet. I thought it was a dress at first because it had this sweet collar that was all laced and fluffy. My mother is smiling and giggling and all  I can do is to be silent. Pulled it out of the box to realize that sweet little dress was not a dress it was a shirt. A long sleeve shirt with white lace made completely out of dark green velvet, and sadly, there were still things in the box. That’s right folks, there were pants to match and not just any pants but those elastic waist pants with the black elastic stirrup that went under your feet.  My mother made me put it on, I felt like some giant ball of green velvety mucus. Good grief. My mother loved the outfit and even made me wear it to school there are school pictures of me in  this horrific ensemble that no one will ever see. Green velvet pant suits are without a doubt the worst thing to give a seven year old and it’s still my worst Christmas gift to date.

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