I was told no matter what someone got you for Christmas it is the thought that counts. Sometimes the person buying the gift could have thought a little better. When you are a child you expect to get up and open some really kick ass gifts. Video Games, Footballs, Electronics, a hula hoop or an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock, and this thing which tells time. The usual gifts of course.
This Christmas morning started off like any other Christmas morning. I woke up to the aroma of Folgers and Ham. Marketing idea! Meat flavored coffee. I am liking it. I am antsy of course. It’s Christmas morning! What normal kid wouldn’t be excited? Santa made his yearly run and proved that I was a good boy damn it. I really can’t say that now but oh well. I go flying through the kitchen only to hear mom tell me to be careful. I look at her with the, you can’t be serious, It’s Christmas morning and I have unopened presents under the tree, Look
I start with my stocking. At this point in my life I haven’t discovered the Big red ones they sell at Wal Mart, So it was a 1980s Tube Sock complete with three red rings. I go through it. Hey, I found 20 bucks and some candy. WOOT WOOT. Yes, I ate candy, I found in a sock on Christmas Morning. Heaven help me.
I get to the main event. Present under the tree. I open up a box full of Sega games. Hell Yeah. I hot the Sonic The Hedgehog Mother Load. Nothing topped that fast blue bastard as a kid. Street Fighter. If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn’t have let myself play that game wearing sweat pants. Damn that Chun Li. She was hot even in 16 bit form. I am going to be playing a lot of Sega in my future.
The next gift I open just had to be some shirts and pants. As an adult I appreciate clothes as a gift. As a kid, I was mother fucking pissed. I just looked up and said thanks. That’s all you can do is smile and not show that you are fuming. However, that wasn’t the worst gift I got that year.
I had just started listening to music more regularly. I recently got my first CD player. YAY! I know I was getting some CDs. I see it sitting under the tree. Wrapped all neat in the Disney wrapping paper. I grabbed it next. As I ripped Goofy’s face in half. I look down and see this.
That is right Billy Ray Cyrus’s fourth studio album. Called Trail of Tears. Just because you like Achy Breaky Heart does not mean you are going to like anything else this man does. Let me just say that there is one song that haunts me off this album to this very day. Billy Ray Cyrus singing Harper Valley P.T.A. I may never be able to shake that. I think in all honesty I still have the CD because no matter what someone gets me, it’s the thought that counts. So this Christmas when you are opening your gifts, Remember at least its Not, Billy Ray Cyrus. Unless you are a fan of his. Than God Have mercy on your soul!!!
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