Dear Bachelors,
Clean your fucking apartments. Groom your beards. Get the chest and back hair (shudders) OFF of your bed sheets.  You’re SO not getting any on those!!  For cryin out effin loud; do those nasty 3 week old dishes! Oh and buy some damn febreze so you can get that dirty sock smell out of the WHOLE HOUSE.  Single women of the world (especially this one) have HAD it with men who take no pride in their life. Every bachelor I’ve met in the last few months has the absolute worst kiss stopping breath. Brush your damn teeth more than once a week please. At least when you know you’re going to meet a girl. Women know what I mean; they go to kiss you and you have to turn your head to keep from puking on them. Ew!! 
If you have a good job, spend some money on your home! Stop buying top of the line vehicles and electronics while living in a complete shit hole! That’s not cute! That tells us that you have no desire to actually ever be in a relationship, because you spend your time on stupid shit and could care less about anything that’s going to be a long term situation.
The situation that made me laugh the most was the guy who begged for pity head. He’d just gotten out of a relationship and was horny. Guys, FUCKING CUT IT OUT.  Stop lying about how tall you are.   If you’re lookin my short ass in the eyes, you’re not 6’4”.  You’re lyin by a good 8 to 10 inches. Speaking of 8 inches; NO, YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY  NOT!!  Get that tiny little thing out of my face before you burst your bubble. You’re hung like a field mouse.  We’re not impressed.
And last but certainly not least; stop being such a cheapskate!!  McDonalds ain’t impressin nobody. You want to get some from me or any girl for that matter? I know the economy sucks, but you only go you to support. Take a girl to some Olive Garden or Chilli’s, or even a nice buffet.   The next time one of you cheap mother fuckers pulls into a fast food chain on a first date I’mma flip. For real. Yep I get real ghetto when you get stupid.
Thanks for nothing assholes,
Sunshine Sparklekitten