So my girl has been totally bitchy for about four days. All of us women knows what that means…hell all the men do too. Go buy us some damn chocolate and stay the hell out of our way unless you have more. Or until we’re a crying mess and you need to hold us. Here’s a hint don’t agree or disagree with a dang thing we say just mumble incoherently and rub our back. And the instant we change to anger drop your eyes and look ashamed.
Sitting there wishing I could hold her down and funnel Midol and alcohol down her throat till she either choked or chilled I thought maybe I should check the calender. Then I realized it’s just the woman’s gut reaction to bitch and commiserate whenever our hormone string is plucked. Like those damn commercials for women. I know I feel the need for Midol and alcohol whenever I see us portrayed in white swimsuits or laughing our way through embarrassing leakage. REALLY?! Like we’re not miserable enough without having our estrogen surge at those lovely portrayals.
Of course there’s the unspoken rejoicing at the end. Who doesn’t want to have three weeks of uninterrupted sex? That is if we can find anyone who has known us during our week of partying with mother nature (that bitch) willing to do it now. I bet if you ask 100 divorcees they will tell you the end came during that particular week. Pretty sure most murders committed by woman can be traced to it too. So here’s an idea ladies I say we ban together and either go back and kill the snake or at least beat him into submission or hunt down mother nature and pull her fingernails off one at a time. Take your pick but no matter what I’ll bring the shovel.