I can remember being a little girl and thinking about what I was looking for in a husband. I wanted a man who was strong. I knew he was going to be able to move mountains for me or carry me over the threshold. Does it really matter either way? I get to be in a big strong man’s arms. I wanted them to be a very happy person. Why would I want to give up my special gift to someone that is a Debbie Downer? I want someone that could make me smile. I know that sounds simple enough ladies but instead we end up with a guy that is too busy tea bagging other men on Halo. The man I wanted was someone who is going to be good with kids. I know when I finally meet the man of my dreams, I am going to have at least 5 or 15 kids. I love sex and I am just saying why the word marriage means the end of that. I have had an epiphany that my dream man, has been right in front of me every year but too bad he is just a character of make believe. Today, on his biggest day of the year, I, August, would like to induct the big guy himself. If the word Hunk could describe anyone it is Santa Claus.
I want you to give this a cookie for thought. He is always going to be doing anything he can for you. You live at the North Pole, and quite frankly he is only going to be working one month out of the entire year. The Red Suit is fuzzy and you know that I am right ladies when I say this, the bigger they are the more fun it is to cuddle with them. The only downfall I think in marrying Santa would be, the amount of cookies this man eats. I can’t be the only one who thinks he is one Chocolate Chip away from encountering Diabetes. I am not sure if Wilford Brimley could make him test his blood sugar and test it often. Santa has a huge bag and a lot of packages and I know I would make sure that this hunk would have the stocking hung with care.