I think a lot of us have a special place in our hearts for shows from the 80s and 90s. It doesn’t matter what your age is, if someone mentions Boy Meets World, I bet you get excited like a fat kid looking at a cupcake. In the next few weeks we are going to be introducing a new series called, Why Did TV Lie to Me? Some of the shows that will be covered in this series, will be the aforementioned, Boy Meets World plus many more. Well, in this edition of The 7s, I thought it would be great to put you in the mood for talking about how classic television ruined our lives. The show we are going to be taking a look at today is the Saturday morning classic set at a fictional high school called Bayside. We are going to get in depth in Saved by the Bell. In each episode of this show, SBTB gave us 7 characters to invest our emotions into as the show progressed for 22 minutes. Today, we countdown The Top 7 Main Characters on Saved by the Bell. Let’s get the countdown started with the dreaded number 7 and the least important character on the show.
7. If there was one person that could be replaced at any given moment it was Jessie Spano. SBTB even proved this by replacing her with the motorcycle riding sex kitten, Tori. Remember her? Neither does anyone else, it really is the only reason why Jessie made this list. When she was taking time away from being addicted to caffeine pills, she was the second smartest person in the group of 6 students. Her main goal was to get into Stanford and try to put male pigs in their place. How she ended up with Slater and not Screech is still beyond me. An episode that was based around Jessie meant that watching paint dry is in your future. The episodes that are based around her make me want to fall asleep. I am not sure how anyone can turn a rapping Snow White episode into making me feel like I was at the funeral of rap. Jessie really did nothing to hold the group together, but be bossy to everyone. This is why she falls in the 7th spot.
6. If you are a female in the cast of SBTB, this list so far is not liking you at all. Fashion, gossip, guys, fashion and boys, puts Lisa Turtle in at number 6. Lisa was never really around when things got really difficult. She did win a dance contest at The Max on a sprained ankle, but who isn’t going to vote for the woman on crutches. It was rigged dance contest. However, does she really stand out to you besides the moments she is rocking in the women’s locker room with Jessie and Kelly? I think this tells you how much they actually cared about the Lisa character, was she around for the college years? Other than turning down Screech in every episode and sharing gossip on KKTY, she really didn’t leave a good impression.
#5. Every group needs muscle and strength to rival brains and beauty. The group on SBTB had just that and his name was A.C. Slater. We are getting to the point in the list where without these characters the show would have been terrible, just look at The New Class. Slater was from a military family and when he arrived at Bayside, one thing was able to catch his eye. The beautiful and sexy Kelly Kapowski. Slater would be in stories where he would have to captain the football team against those hated students from Valley. Grrr, we hate Valley. Slater also was a district champion in wrestling for Bayside. He proved to be the typical jock, but soon he fell in love with Jessie. I have to say once this happened, they neutered the Slater character. After that happened, Screech had more balls than Slater. Slater may have impressed his Dad to love him, but it will take more work with me. This is why he only comes in 5th.
#4. I can’t help but remembering as a kid that I wanted to try the spaghetti sauce that Screech makes. I think I was more disappointed that he ended up with some lady who only wanted him for his sauce money. Screech comes in at number 4. He was the lovable nerd that would do anything Zack wanted him to. I still to this day believe that Zack has a thing for guys who cross dress, but that is another argument for another day. Screech was valedictorian of Bayside but decided to give it up for Jessie. Screech has a heart of gold. Remember his relationship with Violet Bickerstaff? That is stuff that dreams are made of in the world of love. Screech chased Lisa, ended up in a college dorm room with Slater and Zack and wound up being worshipped as a god in Hawaii. Not a bad life for being a nerd.
#3. The woman that my entire childhood was based around. I remember seeing her in that Bayside cheer uniform and within the next 30 seconds I was going through the change. That is the type of power that Kelly Kapowski had on men everywhere. The one woman that every male character on the show chased at least once and rightfully so. However, you knew in your heart of hearts that she was going to be with Zack Morris in the end. It didn’t matter if she was playing volleyball, which again if I had my way would be on my closet door just like Zack had in his room. Fingers crossed that it actually talks to me. I think there was one time in the show’s entire run that I hated Kelly. JEFF!!! The douche bag that she cheated on Zack with. I think we are all thinking it, but what an ass sandwich. I am glad in the end true love won out and led to an amazing movie where Zack and Kelly tie the knot in Vegas. Kelly comes in at number 3 on the list, but number 1 in my development of becoming a man.
#2. The leader of the gang. The man with the oversized cell phone before they were cool. The man who duped everyone. The man who made a yearbook video shoot into a dating service. The man who started a band and used his own name. The man who took over Friendship Bracelets and much more. The man who was the beginning and the end of each episode. Time Out!!! Do we need to continue adding to the ego of Zack Morris? The shows main character and the one who was able to solve each problem in 22 minutes or less. Selling all of Lisa’s clothes in a locker sale and hiding it from Belding. Zack was who the show was based around and you could tell it. If one episode didn’t heavily feature Zack the show lagged in how good it was. He was the guy who got the girl, got the highest scores on the SATs, but he still couldn’t land the number 1 spot on this list.
#1. I want you to think about this. He was the glue that kept the gang together. He pulled apart Zack and Slater fighting over Kelly. He brought them together by laughing when his wig fell into the punch bowl. He always seemed to know what was going on but would let the students make the mistakes so they could learn a lesson and one of the reasons the college years was absolutely horrible. You can’t replace this man with Bob Golic. I am sorry. The number one character of importance to SBTB was the principal Richard Belding. His silly catch phrase would make you laugh, “Hey! Hey! Hey! What is going on here?” I know you read that in Belding voice and got a huge smile. He stayed around for The New Class even. He actually made The New Class worth watching. He was the Father like figure that each of those characters needed, but you wouldn’t think that until you watch SBTB as an adult.
If you have a list idea for The 7s, leave us a comment.