The Vermont Bear Company……… What The Fuck?!?!?!?!
I know that around this time of the year desperate people everywhere will try to find someone or in this case something to cuddle with for a long period of time. I know one of the traditional gifts would be to give flowers, chocolates, and a bear for the little lady to cuddle with. Now with that being said, who in their right mind is going to buy a bear that weighs in my guess, 60 lbs for their significant other to cuddle with? If you are that much in the doghouse, it may be time to sit down and start thinking about looking for other options for love. Vermont Bear Company, I am looking at you. Have you seen the ad of their larger than a sumo wrestler bear, sitting there all innocent. All of a sudden this woman in red lingerie curls up with this bear in a sight straight out of a porn starring Teddy Ruxpin. Is there not anyone creeped out by this bear at all? This is a grown woman. A woman in which her parents have seen this ad and have to be hanging their heads in shame. I think we were a good 30 seconds away from the woman breaking out a strap-on and placing it on the bear. I think this means she was going to know what it’s like for a Build-A-Bear to stuff her instead of the other way around. Who are they actually trying to market to this too? If you are going to buy someone special a stuffed animal this holiday, make sure the animal can’t replace you in the bedroom. Just remember it’s not the size of the bear, but how you use it. The Vermont Bear Company, may actually be the reason for at least 3% of divorces in this country. (The statistic you have just read is not real, at least not that we know of.) I am kind of sad now, maybe I need to overnight one of these bears to me. I need some cuddles.