Rednecks, superheroes, and public nudity…Must be in the south! I hate to disappoint, but all of this week’s half-baked headlines took place just north of the Mason-Dixon Line. Odd, right? It’s pretty common around these parts to see people driving tractors around town and such. Especially in smaller, farming towns. Dustin Clouse, 20, of Decatur, Indiana took tractor driving to a new level. After receiving a report of vandalism, the Mercer County Sheriff Dept. found Clouse who then fled the scene on a tractor. During the next two hours, he managed to run over two stop strips put in place by authorities, crossed the state line into Ohio, and swerved numerous times trying to hit a patrol car. He did all this going a whopping 18 MPH. That’s right! Just 18 MPH. After the tractor began having mechanical issues, Clouse was asked to stop the tractor and step away from it. The deputy had to use his Taser once Clouse refused. Am I the only one asking the question of “Why did it take several police and several hours to stop this chase when the man was only going 18 MPH?” That’s ridiculous! At that speed they could have thrown their arm out of the window and grabbed him. Clouse was charged with felony fleeing and eluding. I think the deputies should be charged with unnecessary procrastination.
Don’t you love those moments when you’re driving down the road and all of the sudden your vehicle bottoms out and it feels like the undercarriage has just fallen apart? Who doesn’t love potholes? Spider-Man, that’s who. Scott Love, a resident of Virginia Beach, Virginia tried with no avail to get the city to fix all of the potholes in Virginia Beach. Since his phone calls to city officials went unanswered, he took matters into his own hands. Love hit the streets of Virginia Beach dressed as Spider-Man and carried cardboard signs with protests and the number to the city pothole line. A worker that repairs potholes stopped to ask Love about the issue. Once the word got around town that Spider-Man was fighting the battle against potholes, city officials quickly released a statement saying that they have fixed over 4,000 potholes in the last six months. Maybe it’s the small town girl in me, but a pothole line? Really? There must be a pothole every five feet. I personally want to thank Spider-Man. Although I don’t live in Virginia, it’s nice to know that there is a hero fighting for safe passage. Take that Virginia Beach!
Most of us could not wait to get away from the hell that is high school. We yearned for the moment when we would get to walk across the stage not only because of the academic achievement but for the freedom. Free from pushy teachers, free from all the homework, free from childhood. I can almost remember that feeling of freedom as I walked across the stage, shook the principal’s hand, and received my diploma. Quinton Murphy from Fayetteville, North Carolina felt so free that his clothes seem to weigh him down, so he stripped down to nothing but his leopard print boxers. He was escorted off the stage and to another area while the ceremony continued. He was not charged with anything but was stripped of his diploma. Get it? He will still be considered a graduate, only without the paper. He was also banned from the school property and any school functions. I wonder if he picked out the leopard print boxers that morning with the plan already in motion. I bet the audience was glad he didn’t wear something like Sponge Bob boxers or “whitie tighties” that morning.