This is a very special Public Service Announcement by your friends here at The Buzz Kill Magazine. Had this been an actual PSA, your scheduled watching of Jerry Springer would have been interrupted by an ABC After School Special. Do they still even make those anymore? Oh well, and now A very special PSA.
I am all for sweet talk in relationships, hell, I think some relationships need little things said back and forth. I feel that if pet names were not used, there would be a lot more news stories ending with a penis found in a trash can. In today’s world, we have many ways to make people sick when we talk about our significant others. First and foremost, creating a Facebook status. Now, while this can be cute once a week in a, Winnie the Pooh kind of way, but if you are making these statuses every day, I think it is time to take a step back. If you have to tell the world (by world, I mean your 183 Facebook friends) how great your relationship is more than once a day, you are about 20 minutes away from changing your relationship status to “it’s complicated.” You are not fooling anyone, I am going to be guessing that even Stevie Wonder could see how horrible the relationship is. You know what is sad, there is even something worse than that. Telling the world how you feel with a picture. Yes, a picture, with words, that someone else made. Remember, the story of Cyrano De Bergerac, if you use someone else’s lines, do you know what that means? They are not falling in love with you, they are falling in love from a line of episode #78 of Boy Meets World. The idea of just being you should be very important here. Sharing a photo to say something sweet, is like giving a diabetic piece of regular pie. At first it is sweet and there is nothing wrong with it, but in just a few hours they are going to fall over dead. The only people allowed to die in love is Romeo and Juliet and they are not real. Finally, I love calling a special lady I am with a cute pet name that is indicative of them. It adds a special bond between the person you are with and the person you are seeing. Have we become so lazy that we can’t say the word baby anymore? Are too many of you having, Dirty Dancing flashbacks all of a sudden? BAE. Before anyone else. That is sweet, but actually using it as a term of endearment is wrong. Bae, is also the Danish word for poop. Either your relationship is the poo or your relationship is full of shit. Either way, quit. Be creative. Remember, imagination has been around longer than Facebook. Now cue “The More You Know” graphic.