I received a dozen roses from a secret admirer today. I did not know how to process this act. I am somewhat flatter that a man would take the time to send me roses. I also am a little weirded out because what if it is in Ex or a creeper? Is that the price to pay when having a secret admirer? I just hope it is not another mama’s boy. I am tired of dating the guys who seem to forget the umbilical cord had been cut at birth. I hope it is not some guy who doesn’t know how to push the pause button. I know what I am dreaming for this Hunk. I am dreaming of a man who is older. A man who knows how to treat a lady. A man who has some animal instincts about him. Maybe he can become a werewolf in the bedroom and make me howl. I am looking for a man with a six pack so tight that I can grate cheese on them. I hope my secret admirer looks like my pick for the Hall of Hunks. He is Joe Manganiello.
He is the perfect age. He is only 38 years old which is perfect since I am in my mid-20s. Maybe he can show me around a Red Room if you know what I mean? I wouldn’t mind being obedient to his desires. The man is perfect. It all started when he played Flash Thompson in the Spiderman franchise. I felt my heart skip two beats. I knew what love felt like. I actually started finding out my love for Joe when he would just randomly show up on How I Met Your Mother. I love a man with intelligence and a brain. I could sit on his back; he could do pushups and recite all the state capitals. I would need a change of clothes that is for sure.
The first of his two breakout roles was on the show True Blood. He portrayed Alcide, a werewolf who becomes a pack leader. He also had a thing for that fang banger Sookie. She should have stuck with Bill and received the true death. The second role that honestly sent this little lady to have her first hot flash, Magic Mike. He played a character called Big Dick Richie. I feel the only response to this would be, “shut up and take my money.” I can’t wait to see XXL. I am hoping that one is in 3D.
I want to induct Joe Manganiello into the hallowed Hall of Hunks. Can I please just touch your abs once?