cropped-assistanceclownThis was taken at my first clown party. You see, I was told when I was hired that I would usually be playing “princess’s or fairy’s, very rarely clowns”. To which I replied, “Oh, good, I hate clowns.”

I was emailed by the owner of the company that there was a party again in a park(why all these parks?!) in Whittier, CA. I’m pretty new to LA, and pretty broke, so I said yes. I didn’t ask what the character was because, you know, they rarely do clowns. But alas, I was a clown. The clowniest clown there ever was to clown. But I was broke, so for lack of a better phrase, I was indeed “down to clown”.

I drove for about an hour in traffic and arrived at “the park.” It was really some swings next to power lines, next to a dumpster, next to where I was “assigned” to do the “show”.

Me: show? What kind of show?

Mom: the owner told us you do a show. Do you not do a show? She told us you do a show. You’re not going to do a show?

Me: It’s not really a show as much as I do balloon animals and face paint and do some magic a little and have a box of stuff.

Mom: (sucks her teeth and rolls her eyes)

Me: I can do a show though! Sure!!!

Mom: Good. Ok. Kids! This clown is going to do a show!

Kids: Yay!

I walked to my dirt patch and laid down the parachute.

Me: Ok! Who likes magic?

Kids: YAYAYAY!!

Me: Okay, here we go.

At this point, all the parent with their open bottles of liquor and 2 huge dogs gather around to watch the “show”.

Me: I have a coloring book…(I won’t explain the joke, but punchline is…)

Kids: We can see your hand. Your hand is on the page, and that’s what’s covering it up.

Dad of all the kids?: Shit, this is some bullshit. What kind of a show is this?

Me: I don’t do a show, it’s more like, I entertain and paint faces and do balloons.

Kids: Balloons!!!

Me: Okay, great! Birthday girl first. What would you like?

BG: I want an Elsa.

Me: Oh, I can’t really do an Elsa, how about a dog?

BG: I want ELSA!

Dad: She wants Elsa.

Mom: Your boss said you do balloons.

Me: I do, but mostly…dogs…and giraffes.

Dad: This is bullshit. This clown is bullshit.

Fin

I drove away and took that pic. It’s become my theme of this job.