People who log online only to be offended by everything that you see, I only have one thing to say…..WHAT THE FUCK????!!!!
I remember the days of being able to log into Social Media back in the day, way back before we had Facebook. Back in the days where we were able to choose who our Top 8 friends were and create a background that would take years to load on a computer. I remember it being a much happier time, people were not bickering, and instead we were interacting with our favorite stars and musicians all the day long. I am not sure where it went wrong, but something tells me it all started with a god damn poke button. 2015 has become one of the most depressing years ever, if we were able to travel to the future the Chinese calendar would create a new year of the Pissy Panda. I know writing about being offended by people who are offended is counterproductive but I give NO FUCKS!
First it was the confederate flag, then it was gay marriage, a dress that no one could tell the color of, and now….and let me say this for the people in the back of the room, and now it is a Red Cup. If you are offended by the Red Cup from Starbucks, it may be time to evaluate your life choices. SO people are in an uproar of biblical proportions because the price gauging coffee chain didn’t put Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, A Snowflake, or Snoopy ramming that damn tree up the anus of Linus during the monologue at the end of the show. Nope, the cup is plain red. Holy Shit, a plain red cup. We need to halt everything that we are doing to complain. (Hint the sarcasm.) I have never seen so many Christians outraged since well……….the crusades. But instead of fighting over religion, we are fighting over a liquid that comes from a fucking bean. Ladies and Gentlemen, there is something really wrong with this picture. There are homeless starving, wars being fought, Guns N Roses reunions, but yet, this is the topic of conversation. I am one step away from sticking my dick in a damn toaster and somehow, somewhere, I have just offended a group of people who worship Wonder Bread.
If that wasn’t enough to get your brain to want to be like the eggs in the drug ads of the 80s, there is more stupidity. A shirt at Target has recently come under fire. The shirt is a Novelty kind of shirt that says OCD: Obsessive Christmas Disorder. A group of people and it possibly may be the same group of people who complained about the cup, because they want every American who has common sense to have a fucking heart attack, find this shirt offensive. It paints OCD in a negative light. A light that I will have to turn on at least three times before finding my happy spot. The shirt is about as offensive as a Pauly Shore Movie. No you won’t wear it, but when you see it, it will cause you to laugh once.
I honestly believe that this the reason why liquor was invented. So since the holiday season is upon us, I know what I am asking Santa for Christmas. I am asking for a picture to surface online of a Fat Man wearing a pair of Confederate Flag Sleep Pants and an obsessed with Christmas sweater, getting married to another guy who is wearing a blue or gold dress that no one can really tell is fucking purple while drinking coffee out of Starbucks red cups while this is taking place on the campus of Mizzou. Then I can watch the internet explode and we can all go back to pictures of cats and Star Wars Fan Fiction.