Have you ever wanted to slap someone with a Toaster Strudel? And of course, it would not be the strawberry kind, because that is the only good one. Wait….do they even make any other flavors of toaster strudel? I should honestly Google this, but laziness has set in and I do not want to do that much clicking. It has been awhile since I have been able to write anything, I am not sure if it was a case of writer’s block, or the fact that my life has had so many ups and downs, you would think I was running for president in 2016. America, whoever wins, we are fucked. However, I will save that for our political correspondent. In my time away from writing, I feel that somehow I may have regenerated into the Doctor. And in that regeneration, I somehow was put in the body of someone who has the memory of a toddler trying to play a matching game coming down from a sugar rush. I feel that I somehow misplaced my TARDIS (Doctor Who reference, Kiddos. Look it Up) and ended up in the year 1994. I was walking around the mall and saw a corduroy romper dress that would make any Rachael Greene lover swoon in excitement. (Friends was a show that was on NBC in the early 90s) Then on top of that the most played game in the world is Pokemon. In which I downloaded and somehow I only catch Ratattas anywhere I go. Let me tell you, nothing will squash excitement more than your phone vibrates thinking you are going to get your first Pikachu, only to find a purple rat looking at you. I feel I could have better luck catching things on Tinder. People are skateboarding again. I thought kids only skateboarded on Video Games. And the only thing missing was a resurgence of Crystal Pepsi….Oh wait. So I am on Facebook to only find out that Crystal Pepsi is a thing again. Part of me is super excited, the other part of me wants to hide in a corner in the fetal position while hoping a new episode of Ren and Stimpy comes on the television. I love the 90s more than the next guy, but what fad is going to come back next? Here is a list of things that will make me somehow riot or write a very strong letter to someone if not brought back.
Moon Shoes. I am 31 and I still dream of owning a pair of those just to reenact games from Wild & Crazy Kids.
Those awful colorful jackets. You know what I am talking about, the ones that looked like the opening to Saved by the Bell.
Gigapets. More or less just so I can kill my friend’s pets while mine takes over the Gigapet kingdom!!!! (Insert evil but somewhat morbid laugh here.)
Pogs. Because if Donald Trump becomes president we may need a new system of currency.
Toe Socks. I feel that there is not a reason, other than they are just plain awesome.
Can we please get this into the Here and Now?