It is the time of year where one thing takes over every aspect of my life. And that one thing is………. My Waistline. You thought I was going to say Christmas didn’t you. Well, fooled you!!! I do not know what it is about this time of the year that automatically make me start wearing clothes with an elastic band. The food is just top notch at this time of the year. Think about it, the amount of turkey we eat could honestly make the world’s greasiest non-lethal, non-habit forming sleep aid. And then there are the desserts. Nothing beats putting a piece of pumpkin pie in the mouth after a long hard day of doing nothing but sits on the couch to recoup from the first helping of fudge, and the second serving of Baklava. Just sitting here talking about this, I can feel my pancreas slowly go on strike. It may be picketing until New Years. This also leads me to the unique Christmas Hall of Hotties. As a teen, I used to watch porn. But not the good kind of porn. I am talking about the pornos that would be on Cinemax, where the hole of choice is the belly button. As an adult, I do not find these pornos appealing. In fact, I find cooking shows to cause more arousal in the nether regions. If I could one time hear Rachael Ray say Yumm-O one time in my ear, I would melt like a popsicle in a Katie Perry Song. So where am I going with this? There is one woman who is the ultimate cook, who can do no wrong in the cooking department. She also can do more than cook; she has to put up with one of the busiest nights of the year. That is why the next inductee into the Hall of Hotties is Mrs. Claus.
Mrs. Claus or the mother of Christmas is a woman after my own heart. There is not a stronger woman on this planet. And I bet you are asking why? Well, first of all, any woman that can put up with their other half working for one day of the year has to be a saint. And you know good and well, that she makes sure the elves do their jobs while Santa is sitting in a recliner with a beer watching old wrestling on the WWE Network. He works one night a year, and gets all the songs about him. And how do you think Santa became fat? Well, it’s because Mrs. Claus and the cooking skills she possesses. She puts Betty Crocker in her place and makes Marie Callender her “no baked cookie bitch.” Mrs. Claus may not have a definitive first name, but it is hard to give a name to perfection. The woman who is chosen to become Mrs. Claus has to have a love for life, a gift of working with many people, but most of all she has to have a heart of gold. Mrs. Claus is the perfect inductee to the Hall because she is the woman you want to bring home to not just mom, but grandma. We would like to welcome Mrs. Claus into the Hall of Hotties, and if you ever get a chance to read this. My stocking will be hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that you will be there.