Surprising news has been brought to our attention from the beautiful state of Kentucky. At an unknown time in the past apparent 8 hours 7 minutes and 12 seconds, the city of Bowling Green has become the site of one of the worst massacres in American history. A city that is known for…..something relevant to the world I am guessing is now home to one of the most gruesome scenes that this reporter has ever laid eyes on. As of this writing, we do not have the number of victims. The story is still ongoing but here is what we do know.

I tried to ask people of the town of Bowling Green for comment on what they remembered seeing, but no one could remember. As someone who has to get to the truth of this story, the only thing I can grasp is that their memories have been erased Men in Black style.

One source that will remain alternatively anonymous told me that this act was carried out by a retired Colonel. And that this individual has killed before in Kentucky and will kill again.

Our source also went on to tell us that around the Super Bowl members of his family will lose limbs and will die posthumously for the enjoyment of others. They also went on to tell us “Bok.” Whatever that means?

During this trying time, remember to have a moment a silence for those lost in this massacre before diving into your second helping of the victims from Kentucky Fried Chicken.