Where does one even begin when plagued with a mind that travels at 12 million speeds in 24 million different directions? Just when you think you’ve planted your feet firmly in the ground, life decides to change it to quicksand just to see you slowly suffocate to death for its own entertainment?
That might be a bit over dramatic, but to those of us who exist their whole lives in their head and are constantly drenched in the pain of their own neurosis, life can become an extremely hard uphill battle.
From the outside people seem to wave away such things with relative ease. But walk a mile in the shoes of someone who’s head is constantly a Royal Rumble match between anxiety, fear, paranoia and self-consciousness and you’ll see that not all is as it seems on the surface.
It’s hard… sometimes I feel like a person without a home base. Whether it’s troubles on the home front that drive me to find solace at work or my constant troubles at work making me feel ever vigilant that the clock ticks the hours away faster and faster so I can take shelter in the comfort of my bed. It’s a constant push and pull between the two and it’s become quite exhausting.
I try my hardest to project some semblance of calm and cool headedness, but some days it’s not that easy. So, I try to stymie the constant war in my brain in any way that I can. Whether it’s plugging in my headphones and drowning it out with the fastest and loudest music I can find, playing any sort of video game where large scale vengeance is wrought by the player controlled character, or even simply put… writing.
Which is what I guess gave me the inspiration to start this series in the first place. I’m not doing it for the attention or to try and reach any sort of audience. I used to write and I used to be damn good at it. Since the recent influx of heavy and draining emotion has sort of taken a toll on my inspiration to create… this seemed like a good way to purge some of the things that I simply can’t handle on a day to day basis.
So, if you find your way to this article and all future chapters… and you feel in any sort of way that you can relate to anything that’s posted here, know that you’re not alone… I feel it too. Here’s to hoping that this detailing of my journey through life will help you maybe with some of the answers you seek yourself.