Normally with a WTF, we usually have the pomp and circumstance of saying the person’s names or groups name and then saying What the Fuck after. However, this WTF is a little special because this is the first WTF that I have ever penned where I am just pissed off to the point of wanting to hop on a plane, fly to wherever they tape the Dr. Phil show and kick him square dead in the nuts for forcing upon the world Danielle Bregoli. If you do not know who that is, you my child have been blessed by the gods. You were able to pass Go and collect $200 and also won $10 by coming in second in a beauty contest held at your local VFW. But if you are one of the lucky ones who know who this is, heaven help us, because somewhere in the Bible it warned us of seven plagues, I found the fucking 8th.
Danielle happens to be famous for uttering a phrase that would send the Hooked On Phonics people into cardiac arrest. She is best known for saying “Cash Me Oussside! Howbah dah?” Typing that out made my brain hurt. If someone happens to see my high school English teacher, someone, please hug her and tell her “it will all be alright!” She became famous because someone sitting at home turned it into a meme that apparently is the gift that keeps on giving. This is the herpes of memes. But that is the tip of the iceberg.
Danielle decided to start selling shirts with her catchphrase, copying major company’s logos. She was hit by a lawsuit by Hanes; I was shocked reading that too. I know the girl is a plague, but when are these companies going to crack down on those religious Mall Kiosk shirts. But the real winner here is that this girl is asking for $30,000 to $40,000 per appearance. And here I thought Chewbacca Mom selling her autograph for laughing into a fucking mask was bad. No, this is worse. The girl is 14 years old, where in the hell are they going to book for an appearance. I didn’t realize internet famous people could have a booth at a McDonald’s Playplace. This is the girl who is known for being a terrible kid, is asking for more money than some of us make in a year. I wish her mother would have taken her on Maury instead because at least then she would have been scared straight as they recreate the scenes from Orange is the New Black. She is destined to finish the year as a millionaire, let that sink in, a 14 year old is going to have a million dollars. Remember Blank Check, it will be like that movie, only there will be more booze and cursing.
I think it was once said that everyone gets 15 minutes of fame, I am hoping that hers comes in roughly at about 7 minutes 33 seconds. Because I am not sure Dr. Phil can handle another episode of 14-year-old telling him, she is what made him famous, because I am not certain there will be a show for him to go on. And she just signed a reality TV deal. I am guessing her show is going to replace Dance Moms.