I sometimes will log online to be bombarded by news from all across the globe. And each headline makes me think somehow, I am living in an alternate universe where The Onion is the most credible news source, stories are made up, and the points don’t matter, and Donald Trump is the president. Oh shit. The last one is true. And before you get your panties in a wad over a Trump statement, somewhere in that universe Kathy Griffin is funny. But I digress. I think people may have lost some grasp on reality. The news is almost as much satire as some stand up. And some of those stories make me want to put my dick in a toaster, but one story jumped out at me. An independent study was conducted by a woman who has a degree in Clinical Psychiatry from Albanian University, said that light bulbs, not enough sleep, and fatty foods would cause a person to become homosexual or transgender. If Chick-Fil-A knew that they were the problem, I bet they would start selling beef in less time than it takes to get a clinical psychiatry degree from Albanian University.

First off, I would like to know who in the blue hell funded this study? I am not sure that I was aware of this on Kickstarter. I bet she found out how to get government grants from the cheap imitation of The Riddler, Matthew Lesko in one of his billion and two books. Something tells me that this study is for sale on her website for free! (Link to come) Second, I have never eaten a 20 piece of chicken nuggets from McDonald’s, and immediately thought to myself, you know what would be great with dessert, dick. I do that before the meal. I do not understand how this woman believes this. I am not sure how she got her data, but something tells me, it was from getting drunk with a street preacher.

Her study which she published for free, and I will have a link at the bottom so you too can see, An Idiots Guide to Stupidity has linked homosexuality to many things. Let me list the absurdity for you so you can shake your head in shame that this woman has a degree. And I hope you have a stiff drink close because you are going to need it.

Here we go:

  1. Artificial Light
  2. Pollution
  3. Substance Abuse
  4. Mother Stress
  5. Regular Stress
  6. Modern Diet
  7. Emotional Stress
  8. Noise. Yes, you read that right. Fucking Noise
  9. Lack of sex
  10. Other Stress Sources
  11. Frequent Masturbation
  12. Sexual Minority Stress
  13. Gender Nonconform Sexual Behavior
  14. And last but not least……….Stress

Well, kids, I bet you felt the intelligence leave your body. And somehow this woman will assume that too will cause homosexuality. I want you to know that she goes as far as listing Polycystic Ovary Syndrome as a reason that women will change their gender to become men. And that my friends is the dumbest thing you have read on the internet today. Also, how many different stresses can one actually have? I thought stress fit under one category. And that is called, Fucking Stress. I have never in my life wanted to slap someone with a waffle iron, but I am about 77.7% sure, this person needs a slap from a waffle iron.

I do not care if you have a degree from Harvard or stick of deodorant, when are people going to realize that being yourself is not a fucking disease. We live in a world where shit happens all around us; bad things happen every day. Life is too damn short to sit around unhappy constantly. And it’s because of quacks like this that give the world of psychology a bad name, as well as people. This month is a celebration of PRIDE! It’s reasoning like this that people are depressed because they have to hide the person they are. Instead of trying to find answers as to why someone is the way they are, try acceptance. It’s not difficult, and it will give you an emotional high. Which I guess could be substance abuse, and we have now come full circle. I am not asking for people to go out and hug everyone, which would be nice seeing that I am a hug whore, what I am asking is for people to realize being yourself, loving who you want, being the person you want to be is not a god damn disease. As someone who knows the bible is going to be spouted to many times over for this WTF, and I am fine with that. Argue all you want; I have one verse for you. Just one. If someone is doing something you do not agree with instead of being an asshat, may I suggest for you…… John 13:34.

And now for your reading pleasure may I present to you An Idiot’s Guide to Stupidity