So, before you start reading this I want to warn you. Before I start spouting off at the mouth or at the keyboard depending, I know some of you are going to be upset by what I write. In fact, it may cause a ripple separating the earth into 25 pieces depending on how serious this may be to you. But I know after seeing stuff posted on social media, in the movies, and on television, I know I am sick and tired of this propaganda bullshit. With that being said, remember this may hurt a little but a band aid comes off really fast, and the pain goes away very quickly………FUCK THOSE GODDAMN MINIONS.
I am not sure if you are aware of the little tic-tac looking bastards or not, but a small back story. Minions apparently help out bad guys with their plans to take over the world or something like that. Before you get out your pitchforks and torches for an angry mob, let me explain my hate. I think the franchise of Despicable Me is funny and has its moments, mostly in part to an amazing Steve Carrell, the story of the Minions is about exciting as a porn storyline, but with less dick and balls. And honestly, I feel that I would rather see the damn cock.
And if the two movies were they are background characters were not enough, they get their own movie? WHY? Was it really one of the necessities of the world to see how Minions were started because that movie was a steaming pile of dog shit. What is the appeal of these things? Are they supposed to be funny? I love all types of humor like the next guy or girl, but they are about as funny as a Dane Cook movie. Remember him? Neither does anyone else. I know I am in the minority hoping that they would just go away and never come back, but somehow to spite me, these little shit sippers will end up being president of the United States. And it will not make any sense because THEY ARE NOT REAL.
Minions look like Pikachus bred for dog fighting. They are waste of cinema space, as well as just space. And then there is the toys. Apparently, it is acceptable to have a farting yellow tube that wants bananas to eat, to play with. Nope. Sorry, that does not cut it for me, what happened to just giving a kid a damn pet rock. At least that thing doesn’t make fart noises, or is the third coming of the antichrist. Plus, they have been popping up in memes with serious meanings. Look nothing says making your enemies bow down to you with a meme with something that speaks nothing but gibberish and the only way you can understand is downing an Bottle of absinthe from 1688.
I know this is an unpopular opinion and I am aware of the consequences, but for the sake of the world, and the sake of my sanity, if a plague could somehow wipe them from existence, tomorrow would be a better day for all mankind.