Sharon Meets Thanksgiving Armageddon

by | Nov 23, 2017

This year has flown by. I feel like yesterday was Halloween and last week was, well, Christmas. It could be that I have reached that age that older people always talk about. You know, the whole “When you get to be my age, time will really fly by…” Or it could be the fact that stores are cramming holidays down our throats months in advance. It is flat-out commercial nonsense.

I went to the store the day after Halloween and it was decorated for Christmas. They were not in the process of decorating. It was already done. It was like Buddy the Elf and all of the Elves on the Shelves came down and vomited up cooperate Christmas. The ugly posts outside the store were stripped in red and white. The workers wore Christmas hats. Christmas trees were up. Aisles upon aisles filled with Christmas decorations. I still had another Halloween party to go to. I was not done mourning the passing of Halloween 2017. Not to mention the inconvenient fact that there is another holiday in between Halloween and Christmas. The holiday that is about giving thanks for the things that we already have. The holiday that falls on the day before people go out get into fist fights with other adults over whatever toy they must have under the tree.

Now that Christmas is legitimately closer, shoppers are even worse. Living in a small town is difficult. We do not have many options. Ultimately, most of us end up at Walmart. Where else do you go when you need a can of cherry pie filling, wrapping paper, and a gift for your office secret Santa? Walmart. No one wants to go more than one store. I immediately regret my shopping decision. It is complete anarchy! Shopping carts everywhere. People cutting off people. Others blocking the way. People just standing and talking like Walmart is a great place to have a meeting. Completely oblivious to the fact that Thanksgiving Armageddon is taking place in the background. A child is screaming in distance. All of the checkout lines are long. Including the self-check lines. I may never make it home. Walmart is Hell and people are bastards.