Dear Santa,

I know last year Nicole tried to hit on you but first off, she has a man and I’m single and ready to jingle. I even had a shirt made so everyone would know what’s up, that I’m future Mrs Claus. Some will say you’re married already, we’ll work that out later.

Now only my list of demands. I mean my wishlist.

1- in the last week I’ve had to buy a new phone, new car battery and a new tire. So if you could just make all the shit I already have stay in ok condition, that would be great. Thanks.

2- an apartment in midtown, Memphis please.

3- unlimited concert tickets, live music is my love language.

4- most importantly, safety and health for my friends and family. They have all really been here for me this year and deserve great things. As you know, I can be kind of a shit show but they all keep loving me anyway.

Sincerely,

Your future second wife.