The Hall of Hotties: The Single Female Lead Character in Every Hallmark Christmas Movie Ever

by | Dec 21, 2017

I realized something a few days ago that made me somewhat chuckle out loud. If anyone would have been around me, chances are I would have been put in a padded room. But that is beside the point; I realized that since I set on a journey of doing 13 Days of Christmas, and this 25 Days, I am starting to run out of Christmas inductions for the Hall of Hotties. I am beginning to see the end of the tunnel of characters, and I am not entirely enjoying it. It almost is coming down to the point of possibly inducting the Lone Rangers nephews horse, Victor. It is becoming that obscure. But that was before a Christmas light went off above my head, this did happen, but it also is a beautiful metaphor for a fantastic idea. A few years ago, Rebekah wrote a Hunk induction that made sense. It was perfect. She did describe the ideal man. So, this year I feel that I may have found the formula for finding the perfect woman. The next inductee into the Hall of Hotties is The Single Lead Female Character In A Hallmark Christmas Movie.

If you are a single Dad, raising two kids of your own, and one of those kids has a wonderful teacher who happens to be single, you are in a Hallmark movie. There seem to be three kinds of women in these movies. First, the lovable elementary teacher usually played by Candice Cameron. She doesn’t even try to flirt, and yet these putzes fall in love with her in a blink of an eye. And the thing that always stands in the way of love happens to be a child, or they are engaged. By the way, if you want to know what is killing the family dynamic at Christmas, it’s these damn Hallmark movies. More engagements have been broken in these movies than in Las Vegas. Let that sink in. The second type of woman is the businesswoman that happens hate Christmas, and she is usually played by Candice Cameron. A woman is the CEO of a company and puts work first. By doing so, she has no time to date. But somehow at Christmas, she will happen to run into the man who will sweep her off her feet. And it’s usually in some weird, that guy is my waiter type situation. They always fall for the complete opposite with dimples. It’s a baffling world. And the final type of woman is the businesswoman who is traveling, and somehow ends up stuck in a small town where she is forced to get to know the locals, as she falls in love with her mechanic. This woman is usually played by Jewel Staite………Or Candice Cameron. If there is one thing that these women should make people believe in besides trying to get yourself stranded in a mountain town, is destiny. And 75% of these women are with biggest douche canoes on the planet with the nicest parents. My brain is starting to hurt. The female characters in the Hallmark Christmas movies are the more festive version of breaking your heel in a horror movie, and I am grateful for that.

I would like to welcome the Single Female Lead in a Hallmark Movie into the hallowed Hall or……..Candice Cameron.