People who steal statues from Churches, I have but only one question for you! What the Fuck?
I never understood the reason for people to steal something. Earn it the old-fashioned way, suck some dick at forty dollars a load. Earning what you are wanting is going to give you a sense of accomplishment. It will provide you with the same rush that discovering your father’s porn collection did. It is wonderful. But out of all the things in the entire world to steal, why would you take a statue from a church. Do any of you watch Doctor Who? Those statues will steal your soul and then make you live like Laura Ingalls Wilder in a House on the Prairie. The story I am discussing comes from Hoboken. A statue of the baby Jesus was stolen in 1930, and somehow ended up in Florida, chances are to live out their retirement years. But think about it, someone had this statue in their house. The eyes of Jesus laying in a mushroom would glare into your soul. And make no mistake about it, that statue has seen some shit. There is no way that statue has not seen two people make sweet love. How would you feel if you conceived your children with Shroom Jesus peaking over a bookshelf? I just got the creepy chills vibe. However, unlike most things that are stolen, this one has a happy ending. Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey of Shroom Jesus came to an end as the statue was returned to the Catholic church in Hoboken.