Meth Gators…..WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!

I am not sure how to even begin to word this, but Tennessee and Alabama get your shit together. I am at times afraid to leave my house. My defense mechanisms are either dropping into the fetal position crying or running in a circle with my arms flailing and screaming like a suburban housewife at the sight of a spider. But I know those two ways out of everything will not work if I encounter a damn alligator all hopped up on the meth.

A little back story, a police department in Tennessee posted this on their Facebook page:

On a more or less serious note: Folks…please don’t flush your drugs m’kay. When you send something down the sewer pipe it ends up in our retention ponds for processing before it is sent down stream. Now our sewer guys take great pride in releasing water that is cleaner than what is in the creek, but they are not really prepared for meth. Ducks, Geese, and other fowl frequent our treatment ponds and we shudder to think what one all hyped up on meth would do. Furthermore, if it made it far enough we could create meth-gators in Shoal Creek and the Tennessee River down in North Alabama. They’ve had enough methed up animals the past few weeks without our help. So, if you need to dispose of your drugs just give us a call and we will make sure they are disposed of in the proper way.

Loretto Police Department Facebook

Remember that episode of Saved by the Bell where oil spilled in the school pond and they had to save the wildlife, I am sure that in no way would prepare me for this. An owl on meth would be the scariest thing in the history of man. Think about it. An owl who becomes paranoid. That is a sure-fire way to lose an eye, a testicle, or any other part of the body. The owl would be able to bite into that damn Tootsie Pop without any issue at all.

First off, I do want to know if a gator addicted to meth would lose its teeth or not? It’s a fair question. Sure, it would be aggressive, but I am not sure how to handle my leg being broken while gummed. And would the gator age? The first picture looks normal and the second photo looks like King K Rool after getting destroyed in a game of Super Smash.

Want to know what happens when you flush meth? You get hyped up alligators that ned an intervention and people licking ice cream and putting it back in the freezer.

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Richard Pruitt
I am Richard and I have a problem. A problem with entertaining people. I have been in the comedy world for over 10 years. I started out as an improv actor making fun and light of everything. Doing that felt rewarding, but I have to admit, I wanted more. I couldn’t get the taste of performing out of my mouth. Does that not sound a little creepy? I decided to start doing my own stand up show. I love to make fun of my family and anything that will make a normal person say what the fuck. The journey still continues, in 2009, I had a dream to create my own online magazine. This is the beautiful corner of craziness in front of you. I have been through hell in my life but being stopped is something that I will not let happen. I am a fighter and hope to make people realize it is ok to smile and think from time to time. It also helps being a nerd.
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