©Edd Sowder, 2019
I walked through our house searching as something felt off
I found what I never hoped to see with open closet doors and still full dresser drawers
I don’t understand what happened when we said forever.
Now without you here, the warmth of our home is just a constant chill
There nothing but the shadow of a man haunting this place
Calling out your name in his sleep but there’s no reply echoing through the halls.
This cannot be, it must be a dream, right?
And the bottle calls my name, promising to ease my pain tonight.
I close my eyes replaying all of the memories of a former life
I can still see your face but you’re not really there.
No hair spilling around me, or breath upon my chest as you sleep
Someone please, wake me from this nightmare
Someone let me know this is not just my imagination
Because I can see the photographs of you still hanging on the walls
I can touch them, feel them, our life is right there in black and white
And the bottle calls my name, again promising to ease my pain tonight.
This hollow emptiness I feel has cost me everything I once cared about
Everyone tells me that time can heal all wounds given long enough
Then how are they are still hemorrhaging all these years later
And why has my life been a staggering climb since?
The cries out of anguish fell on deaf ears with no response, no one’s listening
I was holding out for that new day to start on any given tomorrow
But with all this darkness surrounding me its hard to believe in the light
The bullets scream my name, promising to end my pain tonight