To understand this story, we have to jump into a time machine and travel back to a time of house flipping and Uggs, 2009. Every story has an origin, and for this origin to be told, another story had to come to an end. And that is where we begin.
In the early months of 2009, I had my own place with my ex and I was working a dream job in radio. Even though it was a small market, that job meant the world to me. But early into 2009, my world would be turned upside down in a split second.
I called my mother and had a question that only she could answer. I am guessing it had something to do with cooking. That woman was an artist in the kitchen. She could have two fish sticks and a can of carrots and make a meal for 30. When I called her, I didn’t get an answer. I kind of brushed it off as she took the taxi to go to the store to get a chocolate chip cookie sandwich made by the bakery. An hour or so goes by, and still no answer. I start to get a little worried, nothing into a full-blown panic yet. You see, my mother would let me know what days her Doctor’s appointments would be. So, generally speaking, she should have been at home. Plus, some days the taxi would take an hour or so to pick her up. It’s not that big of a town. We only had three stop lights. I called the grocery stores; they have not seen her. So, I decide I am going to go over there and make sure everything is fine. She was stubborn woman; chances are she is outside mowing in February.
I get there and something set off the worry alarm in my head. The screen door is locked. The only way for this to be possible is she is home. I knock on the door. Nothing. Knock on the door again. Nothing. Not until I heard a feint voice trying to say something. At that moment, I run around to the back door to see if possibly it would be unlocked. And of course, it was locked. At this point, I am about to have a full-blown panic attack outside the house I grew up in. I had to find something to remove the screws in the window of the back door, just to be able to reach through the door to open it. Not an easy task when you have fat arms.
I find a screwdriver, get the screws off of the window. I reach in, unhook the deadbolt, unlock the door knob, walk into the house I grew up in to find my mother slumped over a pile of things with very little life in her at all. Of course, I call 911. And it started to sink in that my mom is dying in front of me. They load her up in the ambulance and take her to the hospital.
After a few days of her being in the hospital, the doctor tells me she had a stroke. And a decision has to be made. We have to move her in with us or we have to move in with her, or consider putting her in a nursing home. Looking back today, I would have made this decision differently, but we decided to move in with her. And that is when the shit started hitting the fan.
In the span of February to November, her health started to fail, my ex fiancée and I split, one of my best friends and I had a falling out, I had to quit my job to take care of my mother, found out I was adopted, and the final nail would be losing my childhood home. Mentally, I felt I was hit by Dwayne Johnson’s finisher, The Rock Bottom. I thought the best course of action at the time was to just end it all. I remember sitting with a bottle of pills and some liquor, hoping that the pain would just end.
But after a visit from a friend just being there for me, I made a different decision. The decision to start fresh. Unlike ingredients from Subway. My biological dad offered me something I couldn’t pass up on, and I left my hometown.
At the beginning of 2009, I felt like I had the world. At the end of the year, I had nothing except a bag of clothes and a few things I took from that house.
However, with all of the stress and everything I went through, my body decided to rebel. Since, I was in junior high, I would have these spells of blacking out. Randomly out of the blue, I would just black out. Well, during this time, the blacking out upgraded to having seizures. Not an upgrade you wish on anyone. I had to take another step back again.
And that brings me to early 2010. I decided I would start writing things that came to my mind. Little stories followed by a music video or talking about a celebrity crush, or just pouring out my heart to anyone who wanted to read my diatribe of crazy. And little did I know from doing that, it would lead me to where I am today.
And while there are some things that try to pull me down at times, and I still battle with depression on a daily basis, the seizures I struggle with are not as frequent. I feel there is a silver lining in every storm cloud or playbook.
All of that to talk about where I am today. 10 years ago, this site started as a therapeutic way of getting my feelings out there somehow. I had no way of knowing that those early days of the site would lead to where the site and I am now.
10 Years ago, if you would have told me that what I was doing would lead to being part of conventions, writing about concerts, taking photos, talking about geek news, doing podcasts, writing about wrestling which I have always loved, and just having fun on a daily basis, I would not have believed you.
And while there are time I struggle with putting words to the keys, writer’s block is real and it is a bitch, I am grateful for every person who has clicked on story, taken the time to read an article, shared an article with a caption about how dumb I am, and everyone in between. The past 10 years have been surreal. I have dealt with homelessness, I have had a falling out with family members, been harassed by lawyers that are nothing more than the online equivalent of ambulance chasers, been told to die, and to go fuck myself (which sometimes on a lonely night is not an insult). I’ve also been told how much a person likes what I wrote, how the Christmas story is part of a yearly family tradition, how I’ve helped someone else in a dark place, and that I made a person’s day. I am grateful for it. All of it. The positive and the negative.
It is hard to believe that we are about to start a decade of random for this site. With that being said, I really need to find my roots. And I feel going to back to pouring out my emotions every so often is not the end of the world. Maybe, even telling a short story with a music video following it, hell, it might be time to resurrect The Big Bowl of Random. Yeah, probably not. I shouldn’t put that hell on anyone. But with that being said,
To our current staff, you are some of the most talented people I have the privilege of working with.
To former members of the staff that left because life happened, I miss all of you. We would not be here without you.
To the former members of the staff I would like to punch in the face, you played a role in making this happen.
To everyone who has ever downloaded a podcast, read an article, clicked on link even if it was only once, you mean the world to me.
To all of you who have made the last 10 years the most random they could be, THANK YOU.
And I can’t wait to bring you another 10 years of random. Because who knows, by the time 2030 gets here, I figure social media will cause us to be a Mad Max type situation. I already have a bunker ready to go.