Remember the shirt your Dad would buy while visiting a tourist trap on vacation? “I Saw the World’s Biggest Hoe and I All I Got Is This Lousy Shirt!” Every single one of those shirts are tacky and a fashion statement only worn by individuals who wear socks with sandals. Well, meet the new equivalent of that.
A coin commemorating COVID-19 only brings one thing to mind…What the fuck?!
Let’s start with this, for years the population of the world is gob smacked by some sort of cheesy ad telling us a coin or a plate will become the ultimate collector’s item. And for years people would get duped by the home shopping networks that a collectible as rare is this will be worth millions one day. You will be able to put your children through college without an issue. You want to own that fancy convertible? In 15 to 30 years this item will be able to do that for you. And then when the time comes and you need money, you take the item to a pawn shop to only find out, you have to pay them $5 bucks for wasting their time.
I never expected to see one of those items pop up for this situation. Your grandparent died, I am sorry for your loss, how about a collector coin? Go fuck yourself.
The website behind this monstrosity of collectibles in poor taste is The White House Gift Shop. I can hear your blood boiling from here, this is not the legit gift shop of the White House, but actually a knock off. Would I put past our current administration? Nope. Yet, I feel a coin might be a little upscale for their collector piece. The White House Gift Shop is not affiliated with the White House but they are assholes.
So, let’s talk about this coin. On the front is a picture of the globe with the virus on top of that with the words “World VS Virus! Together We Fought The Unseen Enemy. Everyday Heroes Suited Up. Everyday Citizens Did Their Part.” I have never wanted to run so hard into the wall with a boner in my life. Seriously, why? The back shows a picture of the White House briefing room and lists the COVID-19 Task Force. I know I started writing political satire, I am not sure if I am still writing it. Life is weird.
How much will this coin cost me? That is a good question and one I expect your jaw to hit the floor. Please know since we are social distancing, it may difficult to have someone pick your jaw up for you. The COVID-19 collector coin will run you a $100. Yes, so if you received your stimulus you can still have $1100 left after your purchase or you can just pool your money with your spouse and buy a tiger. Honestly, that is the better option.
I am not sure why this exists but it does. And if you bought one and happen to read this in the future, congrats on blowing a $100 on something about as worthless as well a commemorative coin of a pandemic. Thank god we never got a commemorative H1N1 Pork Chop.