Sex Ed Sessions 3


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Dear AnneMarie,

Do you have any recommendations on how to lower my anxiety when it comes to sex? I am not even sure how it bring it up to my partner?

-Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

I wish I had a more background information to be able to provide you with a better answer. I would like to invite you to email me directly at annemarie.tbk@gmail.com if you wish to discuss your situation in further detail. Our conversation will remain confidential.

Anonymous, I feel that without knowing the primary source of your anxiety, I can give you a few general suggestions. Look for a sex positive therapist. It can be someone local or there are many online services where you can stay anonymous and participate in sessions from the privacy of your own home. Once you become more comfortable, you can invite your partner to join you for couple’s counseling if you wish.

If you experience general anxiety and not just anxiety related to sexual activity, you may consult your primary care provider. Addressing the issue as a whole may help with your anxiety during sex. However, keep in mind some medications used to treat anxiety can lower libido and effect sexual function so discuss this with your doctor.

My last suggestion would be to work on becoming comfortable with your own body. This is something that everyone should do even if they are not anxious about engaging in sexual activity. Take time learn what you like and do not like. Remember that everyone is different; our bodies, interests, desires, and dislikes. That is what is so great about people. The world would be a boring place if we were all the same.


Dear AnneMarie,

Should I be worried about my husband still having connection with his ex-wife? After each of our fights, he calls or texts her. A friend will invite us over to a party and she is there. She is always around. Is this a legit concern or am I overreacting?

-Jess

Dear Jess,

If they share children together, she will always be around. Communication and a good relationship is key for co-parenting. It is important that you support him in raising any children that may be in the picture. I cannot in good conscious advise you to give her the cold shoulder if it will damage the well being of kids from their previous relationship. If they do not have any children, that makes this easier.

I cannot speak to whether or not there is something nefarious going on here- I feel that you should trust your instinct as you know him and the situation much better than I. However, I do feel that there should be boundaries. I recommend that you have a conversation with your husband about where to draw the line out of respect to you. Maybe he should not share personal details about your relationship with her but maybe seeing her at parties is acceptable. This is something that you will both have to decide together. An open and honest line of communication will be very important. If you are unable to come to an agreement on what the terms should be, couple’s counseling is a great tool. Having an impartial person sit and listen to both sides can be very helpful in navigating issues such as these.


Dear AnneMarie,

I live in a small town in the South. I discovered your blog from a friend of mine and I found the contact info for advice. I hope you can help me. How do you feel would be the best way to come out to my parents that I am gay without losing my family?

-Scared

Dear Scared,

Many of our TBK staff member grew up in the South. I did too. Unfortunately, there is a great amount of this population that has ideas that are still archaic and damaging to the LGBTQ+ community. I have seen it firsthand. I understand your fear and sympathize. Families in the South come from varying degrees of religious backgrounds that can impact their views. There are also some very strong personal opinions regardless of religion. The positive thing is that there also wonderful, amazing, supportive people in the South. That may include your family.

I take your question very seriously because of the additional information you gave me but I have omitted for your privacy. I would like to make sure any advice I provide will help keep you safe so I invite you to email me directly at annemarie.tbk@gmail.com. Our conversation will be kept confidential.


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AnneMarie Cillars
AnneMarie Cillars has been providing relationship and sex advice for nearly fifteen years. She has a talent for being able to view issues from multiple standpoints to provide an unbiased, honest opinion. AnneMarie is sex positive, kink positive, and a member of the LGBT community. As a bonus to her good intuition and open mindedness, she is professional trained to provide medically sound sex education. Send your questions or advice requests to annemarie.tbk@gmail.com
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