Ranking The Danish Butter Cookies Just in Time for Christmas


Did you grow up with your parents or grandparents repurposing a danish cookie butter tin or was it just me? Story time! My mother repurposed those tins to store homemade fudge and peanut brittle. I can still taste the fudge my mom packed away in those tins. That came out wrong. Um. Moving on. But what a treat it was to open a tin and find those Danish Butter Cookies looking up at you. So, today, I am going to rank those 5 cookie shapes that help make the holidays for some or just become a way to stash weed.

The COOKIES

#5: The round swirly one has a decent taste. (Vanilla Ring) But when you put that cookie in your mouth, it feels as if you are giving a blow job to wood shavings. I have never wanted to feel the texture of saw dust in my mouth, but that cookie does just that.

#4: The hard rectangle cookie with the coarse sugar on top. (Finnish bread)  The taste is fine. The texture is fine. If you bite down exactly right on one of those, chances are false teeth are in your future. I am not sure what I would rather admit to someone. Losing my teeth to meth or losing my teeth because of eating a cookie.

#3: The one round cookie. (Coconut) It’s round. It’s a cookie. It tastes good with coffee.

#2: The other round cookie. (Country) It’s round. It’s a cookie. And it tastes better with coffee.

#1: The one that looks like a pretzel which may or may not be a rejected Friends title. This cookie has the best parts of the others, but it has one thing that sets it above all the other cookies and that is that it is shaped like a pretzel. It really is happiness in a tin, and the closest you can get to that is if you keep weed in your Danish Butter Cookie tin.


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Richard Pruitt
I am Richard and I have a problem. A problem with entertaining people. I have been in the comedy world for over 10 years. I started out as an improv actor making fun and light of everything. Doing that felt rewarding, but I have to admit, I wanted more. I couldn’t get the taste of performing out of my mouth. Does that not sound a little creepy? I decided to start doing my own stand up show. I love to make fun of my family and anything that will make a normal person say what the fuck. The journey still continues, in 2009, I had a dream to create my own online magazine. This is the beautiful corner of craziness in front of you. I have been through hell in my life but being stopped is something that I will not let happen. I am a fighter and hope to make people realize it is ok to smile and think from time to time. It also helps being a nerd.
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